Howard flying high in playoff losses
It’s probably only a matter of time before congressman Henry Waxman is quizzing Josh Howard about whether or not he attended a party at Rasheed Wallace’s house — where he allegedly talked to a grower of Northern Lights.
Waxman: “Do you have a medical condition that requires you to smoke dope Mr. Howard?”
Howard: “When I have injuries, I just light up and voilà … I’m healed baby!”
Waxman: “You and Rasheed looked a little impaired during the playoffs. Do you ever eat tofu in the middle of the night?
Howard: “No sir. I’m an NBA player and I only eat at strip clubs in the middle of the night.”
Waxman: “I just don’t believe you Mr. Howard. I think you are some kind of vegan.”
Howard: “I’m high right now… And you know this, man!”
Booyah! Yeah, it’s still a shocker to a lot of analysts that an NBA player announced to the world that he likes to get toqued after dark — and I’m sure there will be a follow-up exposé documenting the secret lives of the league’s stars, who are having sex with hundreds of different women on the road.
I don’t want to be driving behind Howard if he’s getting high on the freeway — not that he’d be moving real fast — but this whole marijuana conversation is generally hypocrisy. I never hear recreational alcohol use in the same conversation — a debate that will probably go on until the end of time.
I prefer to drink red wine because it boasts some kind of magically delicious flavonoids and antioxidants — therefore, full of health and vitality. Weed, on the other hand, offers absolutely no redeeming value — except making bad movies super funny at 3:00 a.m.
We shouldn’t waste much time on performance-reducing drugs. I’m sure there will be some type of punishment from the NBA — at the very least, enrollment in the league’s drug program — which will only keep Howard from bogarting a joint for a few short hours.
If the guy is ruining his life, then let his friends intervene — or better yet, the Dallas Mavericks can give him an ultimatum if he seems to be floating through the air like Dave Chappelle in Half Baked. If I spent that much time around Mark Cuban, I’d be hitting a little of the stinky green from time to time — just to take the edge off.
So maybe the guy isn’t so smart for broadcasting it to Michael Irvin’s radio audience. But he was honest and doesn’t appear to be sorry about his choice to light it up off the court.
Howard stated that he smokes in the offseason. Until he starts stealing medical marijuana from a Dallas hospital, everyone needs to “let it be.”
By the way, if you listen to TNT’s broadcast of game four backwards, you can hear Doug Collins say Dirk is dead. Actually, while live, in forward progress, he said that Josh Howard needs to slow down. Does that sound like a guy who is playing high?
Granted, Howard’s performance in game four — six points on 3-of-16 shooting — was as potent as Kansas City Skunk Weed. But are we to believe that is because he got high, because he got high, because he got high?
I know there are some walking boots waiting to be found dangling on someone’s injured playoff foot. That needs coverage. I think Allen Iverson’s cornrows are unevenly planted — the obvious reason for Denver’s 3-0 hole against L.A.
And for Josh, you got to keep these things on the downlow — way, way downlow — and not underneath the basket… wink wink!
“Well, they’ll stone you and say that it’s the end.
Then they’ll stone you and then they’ll come back again.
They’ll stone you when you’re riding in your car.
They’ll stone you when you’re playing your guitar.
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.”
-bob dylan
Tags: allen iverson, bob dylan, dallas mavericks, dave chappelle, dirk nowitzki, doug collins, Friday, half baked, Henry Waxman, josh howard, marijuana, michael irvin, NBA, NBA playoffs, rasheed wallace, Smokey