Headlines for May, 2008
Prince Fielder Is Nibbling On My Ear
I'm not saying you're not a vegetarian Prince Fielder, but I just don't know a lot of 5'11", 260 pound non-carnivores. I've been eating mostly vegetarian fare for the last couple of years, and I think you're trying to pull the lima beans over my eyes. I saw you play against the Cubs earlier this season, and I think you [read more...]
Samir Patel, Your Word Is… Downhill
Samir Patel, by many standards, you were a prodigy, making your first trip to the Scripps National Spelling Bee at 9 years old. But now -- after being labeled "the Dan Marino of the spelling bee world" -- the bright lights and cheering crowds are no more. And now it's time to start thinking about how best to screw [read more...]
Top 12 Sexiest Idiots In Sports
As recently as yesterday, I learned that I might be one of the sexiest idiots in sports. Although I must say that she didn't say it in a very sexy way -- kinda oxymoronic I guess. However, I can't vote for myself because that would be too self absorbed. I think I'm leading the All-Star voting [read more...]
The Adventures of Sportsman
In the last episode of Sportsman, our super hero was perilously dangling from a cliff, as he continued to tell fans that they clearly know much more than he does about sports. But unfortunately, the angry mob did not believe him, even as he persisted that they are smarter, better looking, and more knowledgeable about most sports [read more...]
Why men should be banned from sideline reporting
Well, I opened up a real can of lima beans recently, with lots of worms in it. And as you might have guessed, I've taken a lot of shrapnel in the last few days for my self-parody column entitled Why Women Should Be Banned From All-Star Voting. While it is certainly a ridiculous notion to suggest that women shouldn't vote [read more...]
Trade deadline: Washington needs new tight ends
After writing a recent column (Straight Guy for the Queer Eye: NBA Uniforms Still Not Gay Enough), I started to feel like a hypocrite. Because I suddenly realized I'm a politophobe. That's right. I'm politophobic. I don't like politicians. I don't like to be around them. I don't like them in the world or in the [read more...]
The next Candace … or Kobe?
12-year-old six footer Jamie Nared gets banned from playing with the boys ... well, after beating up on the boys that is ... "Her greatness sprinkles off and goes onto us ... " Apparently, the other teams don't like sprinkles on their cupcakes ... So, it makes sense for Jamie to beat up on girls instead? Headed for the Vols perhaps? Pat Summit [read more...]
Used groin for sale
As I've mentioned many times before, I developed a mysterious groin injury while playing recreational soccer -- which I believe to be a "sports hernia", as defined by the sporting world, and often referred to by the media. But it has been easily confused with a common inguinal hernia, whereas these are completely different medical problems, complicating the diagnosis [read more...]
Adult soccer: It’s no joke
A priest, a dentist, and a doctor walk onto a soccer field ... So it's not the makings of the best joke you'll ever here, but there is no questioning the assorted punchlines tossed around -- on and off the field -- since I began playing with (the) All-Stars in the Asheville Buncombe Adult Soccer Association. I like to think of our [read more...]
Party tips for sports fans
Well, as usual, I have some really bad advice for any of the loyal lima bean disciples out there who have been following along. Just depending on how twisted of an individual you are at heart, this could be really important knowledge to carry with you in the quest of the perfect party. I just thought I would offer [read more...]
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Poker sites for US players are somewhat hard to come by these days. Aside from the big ones, PokerStars and Full Tilt, mainly smaller, fairly unknown sites are available to Americans. It s a good idea to read a poker room review before you sign up with a site you don t know very much about.
