Hall of fame drama: Will someone please impeach Clemens already?
I don’t know how much longer the Roger Clemens career-reducing drama can go on, but I’m asking Congress to give this another try—and to get it right this time.
Clemens’ homemade version of The Surreal Life is in episode 14 where the former seven-time Cy Young Award winner admits to helping Mindy McCready with performance-enhancing vocal tracks when she was 15!
It has reached a whole other level of bizarre. That’s exactly why Congress needs to step in and just simply impeach Clemens — so that we can all move on with our lives of watching American Idol, Desperate Housewives, and C-Span.
No more riveting questions from Bruce Braley (D-Iowa) about whether Clemens is a vegetarian, vegan, ,villain, veteran — baseball veteran that is — or veterinarian. Let’s just get it over with and impeach him—just like Slick Willy. If there’s one thing that Congress has no tolerance for, it’s vegans, baseball cheaters, and philanderers.
I can hear Clemens’ next 60 Minutes address to the nation: “I did not sing karaoke with that woman, Ms. McCready.” After that, we can start the proceedings to have him impeached from baseball, ESPN, and the New York Daily News.
The whole affair has entered the phase of tabloidal wackiness. I realize that Clemens is drawing a lot of the attention upon himself — just stopping short of denying ever having played the game of baseball — by filing a defamation suit against Brian McNamee, his former trainer; fellow thespian and co-star. So perhaps it is open season for that reason. But there has to be a beginning and an end to such a sad tale — which doesn’t need to last as long as Clemens’ storied and once-projected hall-of-fame career.
In these situations, we always end up saying things like “I feel sorry for the family…” or “I feel so bad for the kids…” — and in this case, I have some empathy for Roger’s son Koby. I don’t know anything about the guy — other than that he is a baseball prospect and son of a great pitcher — but here’s a young man trying to start his career. Meanwhile, there are still all of the lingering, Wisteria Lane theatrics with his father. Most of us, no matter how resilient, wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of distraction without it affecting us to a great degree.
Now, I don’t know if Clemens can imitate Bill Clinton’s classic finger-waving denial or not, but I wish he would try. Clemens hasn’t pitched the final “Perfect Fit” of his career. Once that happens, Congress can close the books on his final inning—and so can the rest of us.
“Well now you heard another side to the story
But you wanna know how it ends?
If you must know the truth about the tale
Go and ask the milkman”
–the raconteurs
Tags: 60 Minutes, American Idol, Bill Clinton, Bruce Braley, carolina drama, Desperate Housewives C-Span, HGH, jack white, Mindy McCready, MLB, Moncia Lewinsky Scandal, performance-enhancing drugs, raconteurs, Roger Clemens, steroids, The Surreal Life, Wisteria Lane
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