Special report: If illegal immigration is such a huge problem, why does soccer still suck in America?

By: Den Cotton

Every Sunday, I venture out to the local soccer complex where my former B-league club, Stumptown All-Stars — more affectionately known as (the) All-Stars — fearlessly take the pitch for another intense match. And there is usually no shortage of Latino players on any given Sunday, or any day of the week for that matter, at most of the fields in town.

I’m not one of those guys who immediately wonders if any or all of them are illegal aliens nor do I really care much. But I have thoughts albeit different ones; thoughts to their story. How did they get here? And why?

I once overheard this comment from an opposing player when a group of Latino players arrived for their game:

“They must have just gotten off the bus,” he said (with a British laugh) only within earshot of a handful of acquaintances and teammates. I wondered if he had just gotten off the plane. Perhaps he was right, but how could he have any idea of their status?

There are a couple of teams in the league which feature almost a full lineup of Latino players. And there is no question that they take their soccer seriously — at least more seriously than the All-Stars — but not anymore than a lot of the other clubs dominated by American players, who seem to think they are playing in the MLS. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that soccer players — of any ethnicity — are the biggest prima donna crybabies in the world; especially in the World Cup.

I suppose this so-called “immigration problem” is an issue that hits home with me since I worked with a lot of Latino men and women in the orchard business, who I don’t know for sure were legal. And so it’s a long debate of the many intricacies surrounding illegal immigration, ranging from stresses on the health care system to its effect on wages and jobs in the U.S.

I was interested to learn recently that one of the problems with hiring American workers in the landscaping business — young people especially — is that they sometimes will not last on the job, many quitting after a few days due to the demands of hard labor. Which results in losses — lost time and investment — for the business owner, making it very attractive to hire illegals.

But my hypothetical question is this … If you lived below poverty level in Pennsylvania but could move to New York, make twenty times the amount of money — even though it was illegal — with the likelihood of not getting caught, would you do it for your family?

The biggest problems in this country do not involve illegal aliens although we like to believe so. We find it convenient to point toward these things without truly analyzing the broader scope of issues within ourselves and our own government, which has made illegal immigration an issue due to its blunders and missteps not only at home, but also abroad in the never-ending quest of imperialism; its warring business; and its current Team America: World Police of Dubya & Co.

Issues like immigration come to the forefront when leaders are too busy meddling in affairs of other countries — when it is unwarranted — while forgetting to manage their own backyard.

Last year, I went on a quest to better understand the foibles of government past and present — a conscious effort of brainwashing if you will — and so I picked up A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn, which is a very intriguing read, although admittedly, I haven’t finished it. It gives an account from “the people” affected by government — in many cases, the disenfranchised — rather than the usual run-of-the-mill school text book, government-style perspective. It helped me to get in touch with my inner hippie, liberal commie, anti-establishment side.

So putting my hummus plate and veggie burrito aside for a moment, I wouldn’t say that illegal immigration is not an issue, but it is not THE issue.

Sure, I get a little frustrated when some of the Latino soccer clubs bring out a mariachi band to midfield after scoring their tenth goal against us. But I’m just pissed because they humiliated us, and not because I think they are all freeloading border jumpers.

And even if they are, soccer still sucks in America pal, further proving illegal immigration is a secondary issue to the real American problem.

“White Americans, what?
Nothing better to do?
Why don’t you kick yourself out?
You’re an immigrant too.
Who’s usin’ who?
What should we do?
Well you can’t be a pimp
And a prostitute too”

— White Stripes

Tags: a people's history of the United States, George W. Bush, Howard Zinn, icky thump, illegal immigration, jack white, Major League Soccer, MLS, racism, soccer, white stripes, World Cup

Den is some kind of freelance writer hailing from parts unknown and uncharted waters. His style is mostly free -- devoid of any meaningful sports knowledge -- while still struggling to find Lance. It is rumored that Den graduated from the University of Southern Indiana in the mid 90s. No diploma can be found, but he continues to receive countless alumni solicitations for cash -- so we assume that he got a degree of some variety. He is a former play-by-play announcer for several backyard basketball games. And currently, he is on the permanently- disabled list for the Stumptown All Stars of the Asheville Buncombe Adult Soccer Association over-30 B League. Don't forget to read his blog - Limabeancounter.

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9 Comments

1. Who is this guy sprouting about illegal immigration? What in the Dicken’s does he know about the 12 to 30 million people squatting in America. Has he any idea what the rudimentary costs are to support the illegal immigration invasion. (www.eagleforum.org/sources)
   Its the Taxpayers who pay, to support big business welfare and their predator profits. The traitors already have silently pushed through a huge Amnesty for 3 million illegal aliens, plus god knows service industry workers. They hide it in the Iraq War appropriations package. Two Benedict Arnold’s, who didn’t face public opinion, but like skulking cowards slipped it through in a night session. Who do you think is going to pay for their welfare support? Taxpayers! We pay! Not the parasite employers and farmers! They know 80% of the American people will deny amnesty, so they enacted behind closed doors. These Democrats are no better then the panderers in Sanctuary cities. Call and say NO..! ( 202-224-3121 ) Here is an amazing exposure of Arizona economic recovery!

   (http://mensnewsdaily.com/2008/05/15/striking-changes-in-arizona-as-illegal-immigrants-flee-the-state/#comment-62672 )

   Comment by Brittanicus on May 16, 2008

2. I like Den Cotton’s views and comments. He is right: Immigration Issue is not our primary problem, when we are faced with others that are crippling our country. And there is seemingly no cure-strategy…no end in sight.

   We CAN do something about the so-called immigration problem. We can assimilate the “invaders”, as they are labeled by Britanicus, into our communities, take advantage of their work ethics, grant citizenship when our new neighbors show evidence it’s deserved, and provide needed education and health care. They can enhance our culture, contribute to our tax-paying work force, and can be exemplary citizens.

   I look upon the vast number of neglected immigrants as an opportunity for our “nation of immigrants” to welcome these people and show them compassion and humane treatment. When I did my research for my recently published novel, THE IMMIGRANT, I was appalled at the cruel, inhumane measures often implemented by government Detention and Removal agencies.

   Perhaps the xenophobic residents of the United States, should once again read the inscription on the Statue of Liberty.

   Comment by charlesclarknovels on May 17, 2008

3. I am guessing no one understands ILLEGAL,here. I am also guessing there is a misunderstanding that being called an American means your WHITE and everyone else is just living here. No in fact Americans come in every shape,size, color and religions backgrounds. Most have been here for generations and love this country.

   This is NOT issue of RACE, but an issue that we are being invaded from the countries of the south and those people are demanding we change our culture and language to fit their needs and not ours.

   Americans are for LEGAL immigration, but we will not tolerate illegal aliens flooding this great nation with no regards for its laws and the people whom are already living here.

   Amnesty is NOT the answer, it only amplifies the problem with greater numbers of aliens crossing our borders and demanding more and more.

   Take the reason they come here illegally, JOBS. Make e-verify the law of the land to get a job. English Only, for the work place and all government communications ( written or spoken). Punish the business’s that hire illegal aliens, with huge fine and loss of their license.

   Americans protect your country.

   Comment by Hernandez on May 18, 2008

4. What a load of BS! Illegal immigration is a threat to the sovereignty of our country. Mexico is a parasite on this nation, exporting their poor and undesired to prosper. There are 20 to 38 million foreign nationals illegally in this country. They drive down wages and take jobs away from citizens. They drain our resources that are meant for citizens. They drain our economy by sending billions of dollars out of the country that would have been spent here in our own economy. ENOUGH! Enforce our immigration laws and prosecute those who violate them. Wake up America!

   Comment by Stephen on May 19, 2008

5. I have immigrated here from Saturn. I find you earth people delici… I mean friendly. Stephen do not be scared, you will find life working in our salt mines a pleasurable and rewarding servitude to the coming wave of Saturnites. All hail… XC!@^FF8 King of Saturn.

   Comment by Captain Spiffo on May 20, 2008

6. From Brittanicus: “Who is this guy sprouting about illegal immigration?”

   From Token Girl: Is that like growing illegal immigrants like plants out of your mouth?

   Comment by Token Girl on Team on May 20, 2008

7. I planted a whole row of immigrants this spring … I figure they will be coming up by the 4th of July. Behold the growth of Freedom!

   Comment by den cotton on May 20, 2008

8. Great article. If all of the sudden there was a war here on US soil, or some other catastrophy, and we could go over to Canada and work to feed our families…………even if illegally,I think would do it. Doesn’t matter what race or ethnicity we are, well all have a right to survive.

   Comment by Theresa on May 21, 2008

9. […] It feels good to release that frustration with someone you are probably never going to meet. You can’t wait to make a snooty follow-up comment or break out your pretentious super powers; you can’t wait to get offended so you can scream and shout at the top of your keyboard, “Fuck off,” “You’re a moron,” “I think you’re an idiot,” “Epic fail,” and last, but not least, “Wake up America!” […]

   Pingback by The No-Deadspin Zone | Den Cotton on June 3, 2008

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