Giddy up, does Tom Brady in drag turn me on?

By: Den Cotton

I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know the answer to that, because it will most likely keep me awake at night, questioning my sexuality again. Is he pretty? Why do you make me sweat at night with your sexy touchdowns cute quarterback?

What I do know is that Cate Blanchett playing Bob Dylan in the Zimmy biopic I’m Not There really turned me on, and at the same time, gave me the willies. I didn’t realize until recently, why I was so fascinated by BobCate, until I read this blog about the androgynous Blanchett, by a student at my alma mater. This summed it all up for me. If you’ve seen the Dylan documentary Don’t Look Back, then you already know how eerily cool Blanchett’s uncanny impersonation was — and I don’t have to tell you about the lovely Cate herself.

I’m kinda worried that Lebron James will be coming out with a bunch of commercials morphed into a sexy black woman, jumping into a pool or something. Has he already done that? I could’ve missed it. Well, I’m not really too concerned he could pull that off, but he does have some time in the offseason now.

I have no fears of any womanly Peyton Manning commercials. Perhaps uncomfortable, but not in a sexually confusing way.

Now, if Zooey Deschanel were to play a jockey winning the Triple Crown … I don’t know, maybe riding Secretariat — or say Big Brown. Wow, I would put down a lot of money on that horse to show… me a good time…

“Why do you let me stay here?
All by myself
Why don’t you come and play here?
I’m just sitting on the shelf

Why don’t you sit right down and stay awhile?
We like the same things and I like your style
It’s not a secret why do you keep it
I’m just sitting on the shelf”

–Zooey Deschanel She & Him Vol. 1

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Den is some kind of freelance writer hailing from parts unknown and uncharted waters. His style is mostly free -- devoid of any meaningful sports knowledge -- while still struggling to find Lance. It is rumored that Den graduated from the University of Southern Indiana in the mid 90s. No diploma can be found, but he continues to receive countless alumni solicitations for cash -- so we assume that he got a degree of some variety. He is a former play-by-play announcer for several backyard basketball games. And currently, he is on the permanently- disabled list for the Stumptown All Stars of the Asheville Buncombe Adult Soccer Association over-30 B League. Don't forget to read his blog - Limabeancounter.

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2 Comments

  1. You really scare me sometimes…

    Comment by Crazy Friend on May 21, 2008

  2. I’d be seriously worried if you weren’t scared.

    Comment by Den Cotton on May 27, 2008

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