Blow Up Your TV Sports Fans!
Last year, I sold my TV one day — just out of the blue — right before a huge yard sale I put together. It lasted eight months before I decided to dumb myself down and get another talking box. So, I wanted to remind myself why I threw that thing out.
In case you forgot, I’m a cranky, old bastard. Nothing personal folks, but I just don’t want to see a lot of this stuff on TV. It doesn’t mean your favorite sport or show really sucks –although there’s a 50-50 shot that it stinks, if it is on the list. It’s just that I personally wouldn’t mind if most of these brain drains disappeared from the screen so everyone can do something important — like blog for instance, or learn to practice Internet Kung Fu…
20) Timbersports
19) Competitive Eating
18) NFL Draft
17) Ultimate Fighting (The only ultimate fighting I really enjoyed was from the neighbors at the skanky apartment I used to live at…)
16) Indoor Soccer
15) NHL Playoffs — (Problem solved Gary Bettman, maybe no one wanted to see it anyway..)
14) Rock-Paper-Scissors Tournaments
13) Jim Rome is Burning (my ears)
12) Extreme Ironing
11) Fox News
10) Golf
9) Nascar (round and round we go)
Scripps National Spelling Bee (They sell quality dictionaries now)
7) Supergroup (Super Painful and key factor in previous dismissal of said TV)
6) NHL Hockey on NBC (NHL on ESPN is acceptable)
5) The Surreal Life (No Life)
4) Arena Football (See Indoor Soccer)
3) American Idol
2) The O’ Reilly Factor
1A) World Series of Poker (or any card game of any kind)
1) Bowling (ESPN, come on… I don’t drink that much anymore, unless I’m at the alley for cosmic midnight madness)
* Bonus Tracks:
Pros vs. Joes, 700 Club, Adult Kickball, Maury, Tour de France, Dancing With The Stars, Trick My Truck, Real World, The Bachelorette, Hannah Montana
“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
“Blow up your TV, throw away your paper
Go to the country, build you a home
Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches
Try an’ find Jesus on your own”
John Prine
Tags: 700 Club, Adult Kickball, Bill O' Reilly, Billy Madison, Competitive Eating, Dancing With The Stars, ESPN Bowling, Extreme Ironing, Fox News, Gary Bettman, Golf, Hannah Montana, Indoor Soccer, Jim Rome, Jim Rome Is Burning, john prine, Maury, Nascar, Nascar fans, NFL Draft, NHL, NHL playoffs, Pros vs. Joes, Real World, Scripps National Spelling Bee, soccer, Supergroup, The Bachelorette, The O' Reilly Factor, The Surreal Life, Timbersports, Tokeru Kobayashi, Tour de France, Trick My Truck, Ultimate Fighting, World Series of Poker
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