Summerfest Sports Orgy Blitzkrieg Quiz
I’m feeling a little more A.D.D. than usual today. And being the super-spaz child that I am inside, I’m looking for answers to a thousand (and one) questions. Discuss amongst yourselves… please help me answer my most pressing doubts, concerns, and fears. Take your time… this is one of those new age classrooms where we give you all the time you need to finish your work…
1) Who will lead the NBA in ATA (ass taste average) next season? 1A) Could Barack Obama go old school on Jesse Jackson with a “Tell me how my nuts taste” freestyle rap?
2) How awful will Michigan be with Rich Rodriguez this season? 2a) How good will West Virginia be without RR? 3A) Will WVU take the buyout settlement cash and celebrate all the victories RR gave them?
3) Will Aaron Rodgers officially retire this season in Brett Favre’s shadow? 3A) When Favre sent a text message to Ted Thompson, did the Packers GM reply with WTF, OMFG, STFU, or TTYL?
4) Will Detroit declare Kid Rock its own Johnny Cash after his All Summer Long smash hit?
5) If the Yankees manage to earn a playoff spot, will the New York Post call it the Sticky & Sweet Tour? 5A) Will Jeter stop playing hard to get now?
6) When we’re all homeless during the NBA finals next year, will illegal immigrants teach us to grow and pick our own vegetables — or will they hold a grudge?
7) Why should we care about MLS soccer when its teams continue to lose in the Open Cup against squads from less notable leagues? 7A) Will U.S. soccer fans quit whining about their second rate fields and stadiums until their teams are actually legitimate? 7B) How is it possible for the LA Galaxy defense to suck so badly?
8.5) When the Cubs lose in the playoffs, who will dress up as the scapegoat mascot?
9) Will people stop pretending that tennis is exciting to watch on TV? 9A) If there were a grunt-off in women’s tennis, who would win Wimbledon? 9B) Is the art of grunting more valuable on clay or grass?
10) If the price of gas keeps climbing, will we have the pleasure of seeing less Nascar? 10A) Is it o.k. to discriminate against racing or is that reverse racism?
11) If two lesbians are making out at the ballpark, do you alert security or just pretend you’re in the porno Where’s the Italian Sausage?
12) If the aging veteran McCain knocks off diaper dandy Barack Obama this fall in the presidential finals, will he get a shoe deal from the Capitol Senior Living Center?
13) If no one is there to see it, does the NHL really make a noise when it falls in the woods?
14) If horse racing were banned, would anyone actually consider living in Kentucky?
15) Will Congress investigate performance enhancing vocals on pop radio?
“You’re looking down again
and then you look me over
we’re laying down again
on a blanket in the clover
the same boy you’ve always known
well I guess I haven’t grown”– jack white III
Tags: A-Rod, Aaron Rodgers, Alex Rodriguez, All Summer Long, barack obama, Bill Stewart, Brett Favre, chicago cubs, derek jeter, discrimination, Gay rights, Green Bay Packers, horse racing, illegal immigration, jack white, Jesse Jackson crude comments, John McCain, Kentucky Derby, Kid Rock, Kobe Bryan, LA Galaxy, lesbians, Madonna, Major League Soccer, Mariners Lesbian Conroversy, Mauricia Grant, Michigan Wolverines, MLB, MLS, Nascar, NBA, New York Post, New York Yankees, NFL, NHL, Presidential Election, racial discrimination, racism, rich rodriguez, Seattle Mariners, Shaq rap, Shaquille O'Neal, Sirbrina Guerrero, Sticky Sweet Tour, Ted Thompson, Tennis, The Same Boy You've Always Known, US Open Cup, West Virginia Football, West Virginia Mountaineers, white stripes, Wimbledon, Women's tennis
Share This Article
6 Comments
Comment On This Article
From The Gallery
Image Gallery Is Empty!
Website Poll
Poker sites for US players are somewhat hard to come by these days. Aside from the big ones, PokerStars and Full Tilt, mainly smaller, fairly unknown sites are available to Americans. It s a good idea to read a poker room review before you sign up with a site you don t know very much about.
okay, i’ll start:
1-Kobe, he’s got a reputation to live up to. And no, they take your nuts when you become a democrat to avoid any more Clinton-esque scandals.
2-Michigan will win 6 games, WVU will win 9 games. I’m not answering the next question because you listed it as ‘3A’ when it should be ‘2B’.
3-Rodgers will be jailed sometime this year for either the severe beating or killing of Favre. And all reports have Thompson replying with a TTYL.
4-For some reason, yes.
5-The Yankees aren’t making the playoffs. Jeter slept with Madonna back when she was hot - and he reminds A-Rod of that every day.
6-Yes, as long as you ask them politely.
7-We shouldn’t care about MLS. It’s like a minor league with major league prices. It’s hard to play defense when you’re staring at Beckham’s ass (as always, not that there’s anything wrong with that).
8.5-Big Z. Zambrano’s winning the Cy Young, only to have a massive meltdown in the playoffs.
9.Tennis is exciting to watch, but I’ll let our resident expert D-Wil handle all other tennis-related q’s.
10.I can’t wait until we see Dale Jr. driving the #88 bike at Daytona. Wake me when that happens. I’m not touching the racism thing.
11.I probably go for my camera.
12.Let’s not even think about it.
13.What’s the NHL? Does Chicago have a team in this league? Could you write up a story explaining this league to me, I think our readers would appreciate it.
14.Three words: Kentucky. Fried. Chicken.
15.I heard a rumor Jack White was caught with a notorious Pro Tools dealer the other night. I’m just sayin…
Did I win?
Comment by David Lister on July 10, 2008
Well, I’d say you were a clear-cut favorite until that potshot at Jack White in the late rounds… that’s some personal stuff there brother. I’ve shamed some other singers from Detroit and practically had my gonads handed to me! How dare you! We do things differently here in North Carolina … we sleep with our cousins — and tell people about it!
Comment by Den Cotton on July 10, 2008
As a veteran of two studio albums, I can tell you it’s not a potshot - it’s the truth. besides, many people don’t understand and assume that celebrities are not REAL people.
Comment by David Lister on July 10, 2008
Guess I’m gonna have to straighten you out, kind of like how Woody Paige straightens out Jay Mariotti.
7. The reason MLS teams lose to teams from the USL is because they don’t care about the US open cup. That is until they make it to the final. They’re too worried about other competitions like Superliga or the CONCACAF Champions League.
7A. NO, I like to watch my soccer in HD. I don’t need those ugly fields ruining it.
7B. Two words: Alexi Lalas.
Comment by Alan Velasco on July 11, 2008
Alan,
Luckily, I like Woody. But that’s a dreadful response!
First of all, why even play in the Cup if the teams don’t care? That is a waste of the fans time — and maybe the MLS shouldn’t step on the pitch if it’s not taken seriously. What’s the point?
Secondly, people want to see better soccer, regardless of how ugly the fields are. And RFK is hideous by the way, and the food is awful.
Finally, is Alexi Lalas staring at Beckham’s ass too?
Thanks for playing.
Comment by Den Cotton on July 12, 2008
Why play in the open cup? Because it’s tradition, that’s why. I don’t know if saying that they don’t care was appropriate, it’s more like they aren’t as interested. That should change since the winner of the US open cup will be granted a spot in the CONCACAF Champions League.
The soccer is getting better. It’s why Houston Dynamo is tearing Atlante to pieces as I write this. Also, having a nice field is part of the experience, so soccer fans should continue to demand better.
As for Alexi, he might be. It could be what’s causing his poor decision making when it comes to bringing in players.
Comment by Alan on July 12, 2008