Den Cotton

I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know the answer to that, because it will most likely keep me awake at night, questioning my sexuality again. Is he pretty? Why do you make me sweat at night with your sexy touchdowns cute quarterback?

What I do know is that Cate Blanchett playing Bob Dylan in the Zimmy biopic I’m Not There really turned me on, and at the same time, gave me the willies. I didn’t realize until recently, why I was so fascinated by BobCate, until I read this blog about the androgynous Blanchett, by a student at my alma mater. This summed it all up for me. If you’ve seen the Dylan documentary Don’t Look Back, then you already know how eerily cool Blanchett’s uncanny impersonation was — and I don’t have to tell you about the lovely Cate herself.

I’m kinda worried that Lebron James will be coming out with a bunch of commercials morphed into a sexy black woman, jumping into a pool or something. Has he already done that? I could’ve missed it. Well, I’m not really too concerned he could pull that off, but he does have some time in the offseason now.

I have no fears of any womanly Peyton Manning commercials. Perhaps uncomfortable, but not in a sexually confusing way.

Now, if Zooey Deschanel were to play a jockey winning the Triple Crown … I don’t know, maybe riding Secretariat — or say Big Brown. Wow, I would put down a lot of money on that horse to show… me a good time…

“Why do you let me stay here?
All by myself
Why don’t you come and play here?
I’m just sitting on the shelf

Why don’t you sit right down and stay awhile?
We like the same things and I like your style
It’s not a secret why do you keep it
I’m just sitting on the shelf”

–Zooey Deschanel She & Him Vol. 1

I’m not sure what Barack Obama did to the state of West Virginia — racking up losses in every county — but clearly he must be buddying up with former head football coach Rich Rodriguez to fall so heavily in Mountaineer country during the Democratic Primary.

Hillary Clinton easily won with 67 percent of the vote to Obama’s 25.7 percent. West Virginia hadn’t delivered a beat down like that since crushing Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl 48-28 back in January.

While most of the pundits have already hoisted the Democratic cup for Obama — the math showing a clear victor without some kind of Hail Mary play against the Ducks next week — Clinton is trucking on, hoping for another landslide margin in Kentucky although Oregon is likely to stand in the way of any chance the senator from New York has in pulling off the upset down the stretch.

If Obama wants a Derby-like victory in the Bluegrass State, he better bring Big Brown or Muhammad Ali with him — to even have a fighting chance.

But one thing is clear, and that is Clinton needing to complete the Triple Crown next Tuesday — despite a 20-length victory in West Virginia — for an unprecedented comeback in the late rounds.