Den Cotton

Ok, I need someone to explain to me what the heck Mike D’Antoni is thinking? Has everyone become this greedy or am I missing something? I guess he is exploring his options instead of just taking the job with the Bulls?

I don’t claim to know all the details of what is going down in this card game with Chicago. But it seems as though D’Antoni won’t quit at Phoenix — and they won’t fire him. And I guess D’Antoni wants what is coming to him — which is why they won’t send him packing. So, you better shop around. Fine. I get that.

My question is why would he toy with the Bulls by even talking to the Knicks? That’s why I need one experienced Bulls fan to explain to me why the Knicks job is even half as appealing as the Chicago gig. From the gossip lines, it seems like New York is ready to up the ante for any deal Chicago is willing to offer D’Antoni — and much, much more. But which is the better job?

Donnie Walsh has taken over as president of basketball operations in the Big Apple, and suddenly it’s a good job? Maybe. But there are still some issues there that I don’t think a lot of coaches want to inherit, and it’s doubtful that the situation can change in one season. I mean, even Larry Brown is still upset that he never got a chance to sexually harass anyone during his tenure at the Garden. Maybe D’Antoni is more of a ladies man than we realized. Perhaps he was Coloring Phoenix Badd the whole time.

If I’m John Paxson, I’m on the phone with Avery Johnson right now because D’Antoni deserves to be stuck with New York now, and whatever lingering drama is out there. It seems to me that there is a better opportunity to turn things around in the Windy City more so than the house that Zeke built.

As usual, I probably have no idea what I’m talking about and deserve to be flogged by the masses. So Bulls fan, please help.

Who do you want answering the phone at 3 a.m. in the Bulls house?

“So let’s talk. Let’s chat. Let’s start a dialogue about your ideas and mine.”

–Hillary Clinton

Politics can be a lot like sports, but not nearly enough — as far as I’m concerned — when it comes to hiring and firing of the people who manage the land; your land; my land.

When someone isn’t getting the job done in baseball — batting average dropping below .200 — they usually get benched or traded. If you’re a star, it’s a different story — because then, you have already proven yourself, people trust you, and you have respect. Slumps happen, and you’ll probably bounce back. Otherwise, we’ll see you in the minors — or perhaps your career is just over.

When it comes to politics — the commander in chief specifically, the general manager — we have to endure the strikeouts in the clutch for four consecutive years unless someone is, of course, “not a crook.” And sometimes you might get fired for just being involved in a scandal of Lewinskian proportions. Which makes me wonder if Bill Clinton was using performance-enhancing drugs.

So what if we could trade George W. Bush to another nation?

See, the problem is we could only release him, because chances are, we couldn’t get any draft picks, cash, or governors to be named later. Most civilized countries just wouldn’t come to the table on it. Well, we could probably get that loose cannon from North Korea I guess. But we’re not in the business of even trades at the moment.

Perhaps we could demote Bush instead?

“Look Dubya, they need a mayor back down in Salome, West Texas.” (Everyone keep it quiet that Salome is a fictional town from the movie Tin Cup. )

No wait, I change my mind. We should be able to fire him in the middle of the season — just like big league managers. “Sorry, G.W., but our country is 27 games out of first place … we need to bring in someone fresh to tinker with the lineup.”

Bush’s run in the White House is worse than the Cubs; he’s not even lovable.

We all need to find our inner Steinbrenner — just clean house every once in a while — and be totally hostile in putting together a better team, no matter what it takes. Sure, the Steinbrenners are meddlesome — perhaps a little misguided — but at least passionate about the team.

New Yorkers are the perfect protesters. They don’t put up with a debacle whether it’s a point guard, head coach, manager or president. You think Isiah Thomas could possibly come back for one more term after the years he had? Joe Torre got canned for making the playoffs 12 straight seasons.

That’s the problem with us as Americans. We’re not vocal enough when it comes to politics; we’re the owners, remember? So let’s go out and hire Theo Epstein away from the Red Sox and maybe we can end the curse of the “Dumbino.” Until then, I guess we’ll just sit around having profanity-laced tirades that only Ozzie Guillen and Lee Elia could muster during a bad streak.

While there are a few devoted American patriots, there aren’t nearly enough carrying the “Fire Bush” signs at home games in Washington. I guess most of us can’t afford the gas to get up there — or perhaps are out of the country dodging car bombs.

I’m Den Cotton and I approve this message.

“Dissent is the highest form of patriotism”

– Howard Zinn